The thought of love or having a boyfriend who cares about me repulses me but i want to make out and stuff?

i hate the thought of being in a commited supportive relationship and it makes me want to throw up. and going on dates sounds boring and pointless and it makes my stomach churn. but i still want action, like to like makeout and get fingered and stuff haha. please give me a real answer for this, what do i do? how do i fix this?